Hilarious Clean Jokes for the Whole Family to Enjoy (Part 1)

(Photo: READER'S DIGEST, GETTY IMAGES)

Clean jokes everyone will love

Whether you’re networking, babysitting or meeting your new partner’s parents for the first time, there is one fallback that works in every single situation: clean jokes. Pulling a classic corny joke or funny one-liner out of your back pocket doesn’t just make everyone laugh (or groan); it also creates connections and dispels awkwardness.

There’s a time and a place for dark jokes, but when you’re dealing with a mixed group (family wedding, anyone?), it’s best to stick to short jokes that stay on the squeaky-clean side. Fortunately, we’ve rounded up dozens of wholesome yet hilarious ripsnorters that will delight friends, family members and colleagues of every age.

So read on for the best clean jokes around! You’ll want to keep this list handy for your next function, so you’ll be remembered as the funniest one there.

Funny clean jokes

• What vegetable is cool but not that cool?
  Rad-ish.

• Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
  She took a day off.

• Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
  If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

• What do you call a magician who lost his magic?
  Ian.

• Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
  Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.

• Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long?
  Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.

• What state is known for its small drinks?
  Minnesota.

• What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
  A barberqueue.

Clean jokes for adults

• How did the hipster burn his mouth?
  He ate his pizza before it was cool.

• Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
  Because to them, love means nothing.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
  Look for the fresh prints.

• Do I know any jokes about sodium?
  Na.

• If you have six oranges in one hand and eight bananas in another, what do you have?
  Big hands.

• What did zero say to eight?
  “Nice belt!”

• What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
  I don’t know, and I don’t care.

• What’s the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas?
  Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chickpeas can hummus one.

• What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
  “Put it on my bill.”

• Did you hear that Larry got a new job working for Old MacDonald?
  He’s the new CIEIO.

Clean jokes for kids

• What did one plate say to the other plate?
  “Dinner’s on me.”

• What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
  “Supplies!”

• What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
  A pouch potato.

• Why did the student eat his homework?
  Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

• Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
  To get a filling.

• What do you call bears with no ears?
  B.

• Who built King Arthur’s round table?
  Sir Cumference.

• What do you call a bear with no teeth?
  A gummy bear!

• Why did the car get a flat tire?
  Because there was a fork in the road.

• How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
  Ten-tickles.

• How did the Vikings communicate?
  With Norse code.

• What do you call a well-dressed lion?
  A dandelion.

• What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
  It gets toad away.

• What kind of car does an egg drive?
  A Yolkswagen.

• What do you call a female chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
  A Chicken Caesar Salad.

• Why don’t bananas ever get lonely?
  Because they hang out in bunches.

• What do you call a fish with no eyes?
  A fsh.

• What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
  A ba-na-na-na.