(Photo: Reader's Digest)
The greatest funny one-liners
If you’re looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve collected some of the best funny one-liners that are short, sharp and easy to deliver. And just to keep you on your toes, we threw a couple puns and jokes into the mix too!
Corny jokes
1. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.
2. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
3. What’s Irish and stays out all night? Patty O’Furniture.
4. What do you call a steak that’s been knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.
5. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
6. A new study shows that one-third of people don’t floss, while the other two-thirds couldn’t answer with all the local anesthetic in their mouths.
7. If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
8. What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud and then crosses back again? A dirty double-crosser.
9. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
10. Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
11. I used to believe that all things must pass—until I got stuck behind a school bus.
12. What did the zookeeper say after the python broke free? Nothing.
Best one-liners
13. A new wine has been made for cats. It won’t be long before they start sending regrettable texts and waking up with headaches.
14. Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
15. At which school did Sherlock Holmes get so smart? Elementary.
16. Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
17. The morning after, Dave wanted some hair of the dog that bit him. He’s at the hospital getting checked for rabies now.
18. What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink? A cab.
19. Where does a winemaker get his gossip? Through the grapevine.
20. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.
21. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was stuffed.
22. I went to buy some camo pants, but I couldn’t find any.
23. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
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