(Photo: Reader's Digest)
The greatest funny one-liners
If you’re looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve collected some of the best funny one-liners that are short, sharp and easy to deliver. And just to keep you on your toes, we threw a couple puns and jokes into the mix too!
One-liner jokes
1. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
2. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
3. How many egomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him.
4. How many paranoid people does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?
5. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
6. If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it still irritating?
7. What is the sound of no-hands texting?
8. To see a man’s true face, look to the photos he hasn’t posted.
9. “Buffet” is a French word that means “get up and get it yourself.”
10. Winter: the season when we try to keep the house as hot as it was in the summer, when we complained about the heat.
11. Conscience: the small voice that makes you feel smaller.
12. Statistician: a person who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.
13. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? It was three feet deep on average.
14. The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.
15. Interviewer to job applicant: “Can you come up with any reason you want this job other than your parents want you out of the house?”
16. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
17. Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
Ren Ecosystem